Hello 2013.

The past few days have been amazing, somewhat surreal as well. It's definitely something I'll tell my kids about. I discovered cider (pear's the best) which has like a ridiculously low alcoholic content - perfect for me. Seems like everything that's happened in Edinburgh was purely by chance. Well.... I don't believe in luck or chance to be honest.

I had a wonderful time, as shortlived as the trip was. Twas full of unexpected turns, in a totally great way. I stayed at an apartment by the Royal Mile, it was a prime location in the heart of Edinburgh and I had a queen-sized bed - lush I know. My last night was indeed the best, although the night before started it all, in the wee hours of New Year's day. Amidst all the drunkenness around me (I was really really very sober in comparison to everyone else around me, only had one cider to drink the entire night), it was a great chance (I can't think right now of a word to replace chance, destiny seems a bit too heavy of a word and a bit heavy handed) to meet some unlikely people, or one unlikely person.

What a way to kick off 2013.

of Bubble baths, Lakme and Self-discovery.

I've never felt so happy and free for a long, long time :)

I'm done with my lit review, wrote 10000 words too long but I think I did a good job. With that done, I'm free now til the 2nd of January. There's no one in my flat now, everyone's gone home and to my surprise I find it so much more relaxing with everyone gone. I thought I'd be moping around alone but no - it's so nice to have the whole flat to yourself. It's so relaxing.

Today is Xmas eve. I've been listening to Lakme Flower Duet, sipping my mulled wine I got from Sainsbury, it's such a beautiful thing to drink with thai curry with opera in the background - heaven really. Nibbling chocolate... alone in my flat, with a candle on, the room smelling divine, just relaxing after a day out with a friend (we just did a little shopping and went to a Thai restaurant which was a little pricey but I didn't mind just for one night).

Tomorrow's Xmas. And then on Wednesday I'm going to treat myself to a bubble bath. I've never ever had one, and I've always wanted to have one, of course with my mulled wine, lavender scents and bath bombs. No one's home - ahhhh so excited to have some me-time again. I actually had to google how to make a bubble bath. One 'recipe' calls for adding milk in, good because I just got like a really large bottle today. I've read somewhere that Cleopatra and princesses in the bible used to bathe in milk to make their skin more beautiful. Or something. Who cares, I just want to be by myself, with myself, and not be bombarded with stuff I have to do. I'm really looking forward to the new year, and I like how this year is ending. Going to Edinburgh on Friday, and spending New Year's eve and New Year there. Apparently it's a beautiful city.

You discover so much about yourself when you spend time with yourself, allowing yourself to do what you want to, and what you really are. I've changed a bit since leaving New York, and I like the new me :) I think it's not so much changing to be honest, I've always been this, but I've never allowed myself to do it. And now that I am, I'm just really happy.

Here's to happy days. Merry Xmas folks.

fig and orange oil.

Smells heavenly.
Only £2 from M&S.
Little things make me a very happy girl.
The accompanying hand/body lotion smells even more amazing, and was £1 for a steal.
So wintery too.
Winter's officially my favourite season.
Imagine a dimly lit room at night, candles lit, soft jazz music, with the smell of fig and orange oil and clean cotton, it's cold and wintry outside but warm and cosy in the room.

I absolutely love going into M&S Simply Food. It's just a bit better than Sainsbury's, not that Sainsbury's is bad but I just love the feeling of going food shopping there, albeit a little pricier (only slightly actually). Today I ventured into the clothes department (I normally don't, it's a bit too pricey and dull for me) and got myself a simple watch. I love watches, especially ones with a big face.  I've been wanting a watch that is more from the golden pallette for awhile now. The one other watch I always wear is Timex Weekender, it's silver and gets me a lot of compliments each time I wear it. It's easy, and goes with almost everything. Almost. That's where this M&S watch comes in. It's got a brown leathery-looking strap, clean-designed face, sophisticated because it's so simple, and very affordable at £19 too.

Oh and I bought £30 worth of food, and I already ate 3/4 of them already, in just a few hours. Bad Magdalene.

First world pains.

So i bought a bottle of red wine (Claret) to have after dinner but then realised that it requires a cork screw thingy to open it - it's not the screw cap variety, argh. I was really looking forward to having it and now I gotta find a cork screw opener thingy first :(

of facebook statuses and the truth it can sometimes hold.

"There's a point in your life when you have to decide if you stick with what's comfortable and predictable or do what's hard, but better for you in the long run."

I never thought I'd be copy-pasting from some friend's status on facebook. But it's cool, i'm doing it now. Lololol. 

Glühwein (Mulled wine).

Ahh, how I love thee.

First tried it in London at Borough Market (i'm not one for touristy spots so i ventured to the markets instead). I kept seeing it being sold here and there and thought, 'why not try it'. I had it with curry, and it was the perfect combination really. The mulled wine wasn't to my liking to be honest, and a better version I had was much sweeter with lower alcohol content at Rhubarb bar in Huddersfield itself yesterday night. I had just worked non-stop from 3.30 til 9.30pm and thought I deserve a drink, glad I did becaue it was lovely. Sweeter than Borough Market's and much, much, lower in alcohol content.

So i fished around online for some recipes, here's one:

To 4 litres of red wine you need:

• Caster sugar (amount proportional to quality of red wine, the worse the wine the more sugar you need, add it to taste, but start with about 2 cups)
• 6 - 8 Cinnamon sticks
• Whole cloves
• 2 Oranges
• Whole allspice
• 2 cups of orange juice
• If you wish to get your friends and yourself tipsy even more quickly, or just to add a little extra kick, add brandy, sweet sherry or port to the mix. (optional but rather tasty)

Method:
Pour the red wine into a large pot and put it on the stove on a very low heat – you must not let the wine boil or the world could end… and that is not something you want to risk...

1. Cut the oranges into slices and then put about 4 cloves into each slice, then put them in with the wine.
2. Break the cinnamon sticks in half or thirds and put them in with the wine as well as 10 of the whole all spice.
3. Add in the sherry or port as well as 2 cups of orange juice.
4. Add in 2 cups of sugar and stir.
5. Stir on and off for about 30 mins to give the spices time to infuse with the wine and for the magic to occur, then taste it, and add more sugar as needed (possible up to 4 or 5 cups more in the wine is really bad).
6. Let it cook/infuse/whatever for about 30 mins more (again, not letting it boil).
7. Drink and be happy :)

God don't like no sloths.

You have not been given a spirt of fear or timidity. But of power, love and self discipline.

Sure, Hudds may be boring compared to London but it's a good town to do my PhD where I can exercise self discipline. Fewer shops and distractions mean less time spent going around mucking about. I still wish I could live in London though, such a great city - it's like a better version of New York (it's got everything I like about NY and nothing I hate about NY too).

I have a feeling I probably won't be living there ever though, after I graduate I will have to be looking for jobs at unis as professors to teach (better brush up on my stats skills asap!) and won't probably find one in London. Probably at some small uni at some small town, possibly still stuck in Hudds :(

I never thought I'd say this but I don't mind dating a researcher. Haha. I was kinda opposed to the idea of doing that before, because I wanted someone who doesn't know what I'm doing - someone who'd have no clue so he can't really contend with my ideas, or just someone who's doing something different than what I do, but then it's so much fun to talk to your significant other about your work as well isn't it, and if he knows about it as well there's more to talk about, more to discuss. They could even motivate you in doing really well in your work ;) 

Ah well, when he comes, he'll come, in whatever shape, size or form, be it an investigative psyc researcher or non-researcher. Highly doubt he'll be one though, only God knows :)

14th IAIP Conference in London 2012

Going to this conference really sealed in the deal for me that I'm meant to be in Hudds for now. I've definitely found my niche in what I'm doing - I'm motivated to do it as well. This conference really really inspired me to do super well in my thesis. I hope to get something published as well. Meeting so many great researchers at this conference and them saying my topic is really interesting (thanks to David and Donna who propelled me to investigate the topic of plausibility, fraud and false appeals) I really really want to be a great researcher. That means a lot of hard work, and me stop being so lazy.

Some younger researchers also inspired me with how hard they work, and how passionate they are about research. Great model for me to follow after. I will work hard, and hopefully make my claim to fame somehow in my field, not a lot of research out there on my topic honestly (plausibility), which is good in a sense so that I could contribute new knowledge. I have been given a great chance to do this and I wanna do it well. Not many people get the chance to catch their dreams and I've been given it every step of the way. Starting from 5 years ago when I first wanted to get into forensic psych - I even got into John Jay, like a dream. And then here I am under the supervision of the ever-respected David and Donna (whom, a lot of researchers look up to, which makes me really proud to be under them).

I will stop wasting this opportunity away like I've been doing for the past 3 months, my thoughts were just elsewhere and I haven't been putting much effort on my thesis at all. Going to London changed everything, I'm going to work hard and do my best. God is always with me, and for that I am grateful. I want to get my research published before my viva. That's my aim. David said that if our lit review is good he'll publish it. Gawd, I really really would like to have mine published. My lit rev due on the 23rd (we all got an extension) and I'm going to put my best effort in it. This is make-it or break-it time.

I've been told that my writing is too dense - a lot of information in one little paragraph. Haha. That's how my brain works unfortunately, a lot of information comes in at the same time and I literally get a flood of ideas which makes perfect sense only to me, but getting my point across takes more effort, starting with trying to break down this massive orchestrated idea into littler subheadings. So I either have too much to say in one sentence that makes no temporal or narrative sense (eg. I don't eat beef, but I have an expensive pallette) or I don't say anything at all because it takes effort for me to break down what's in that craycray head of mine.

Eyebrow story.

My eyebrows are growing back. Joy!

Let me explain, three weeks ago I went to a random shop to get them waxed and she literally did it too thin. I got a shock. I specifically told her to leave it thick and she practically left my eyebrows bald. It looked like it was penciled in/drawn on/tattoed or something. It looked super stupid. I prayed that nobody would notice, but they were prettay noticeable. 

Now they're growing back to their thick selves. Whew.

I am never, never getting them waxed every again. I've gotten them threaded 4 times in Hudds since I got here and every single time they manage to ruin it. What is it with England and their horrible eyebrow threading/waxing skills? In NY they got it right every single time. They just knew how to make it look better but in England, they are just really good at making it so much worser. I also hate having to keep pulling my skin every time I go to get them threaded so now I'm just gonna tweeze them myself. Each time I get them done it costs 5 quid as well... could save that money and use it for something better. And not look like a mess as well. 

Mom and dad

are the wisest sometimes.. I love them to bits, even if they drive me crazy sometimes, but that's family isn't it. So cute and heartwarming when they told me that when one door closes, a better one opens.

I've got a cold and down with phlegm, but going to london for 4 days has completely changed me, for now. I'm happy again - I don't think it's fleeting this time. England still holds so much hope for me now, I love this little country, it's beautiful and I can see myself living here for a very long time.

This conference has been a 'slipstitch'... I know that there is someone out there for me, and I just haven't met him yet. I'm so calm about this, going to the 14th Annual IAIP conference in London did that for me. Next year it'll either be in Poland, New York or Italy. I hope it's in Poland/Italy just cos I've been to NY and I don't really feel like going back there in the near future, plus I do want to travel around Europe. Meeting people from all around the world and within England, I'm okay now. Now I just have to be patient. I'm pretty sure I won't be finding anyone around Huddersfield anytime soon at all, but God's timing is always perfect. The best is yet to come, isn't that exciting. In five years I'll look back and it'll all make sense then.

I'm at peace.

P/S: I'm developing an english accent now. I dunno how I feel about that... On one hand I want to keep my american accent but ah well. Come what may :) I also feel much more comfortable traveling around britain now, even may visit Scotland after new year's. Someone suggested I should visit Scotland for the new year's because they have amazing fireworks. :)

What a difference a day makes

in a totally bad way sometimes.

I'm gonna find another you.

It's really over, you made your stand
You got me crying, as was your plan
But when my loneliness is through, I'm gonna find another you

If I'm forced to find another, I hope he looks like you
Yeah and he's nicer too

So go on baby
Make your little get away
My pride will keep me company
And you just gave yours all away
Now I'm gonna dress myself for two
Once for me and once for someone new

Oh I'm gonna find another you