An Issue of Trust

Ever kicked, screamed, wallowed and feared so hard that you have trouble breathing?; all-consuming worries that pain you, takes so much out of you that it exhausts you entirely, your airways restricted and your chest so tight, literally - you feel you cannot take one more step in this journey that have only just begun (I imagine this was how Frodo must've felt at some point carrying the ring the Mordor). And you finally give up, every limb of you dies as you cry "God, take over. I trust you".

At that moment your own heart stops beating, and you come out alive, somehow stronger, wafting in the stream of God's doing, nothing of yourself to give or do or be, you're God's, and His alone. 

You're nothing but putty in his hands at this point, nothing really, a speck of dust, previously demanding all sorts of things from that Great Being. Now this speck of dust turns quiet, partly because she's so tired. But mostly quiet in acquiescence and trust that the Great Being who inhabits her is greater, and knows things she hasn't even dreamt of existing.

As I embark on this journey of going to a new land (once again for the 4th time in my life), I felt a lot of pain leaving the one I love in New York. As it happens, this is an issue of trust between God and I - to give every bone in your body up so completely, so vulnerably, and yet, so fruitfully.

Submitting and trusting God completely is harder said than done, sometimes you think you are but you really aren't. The title of this blog is taken from Psalm 20:7 (which is quickly becoming one of my new favorite verse). It'll serve as a reminder for these 3 years that I'm away in Great Britain of where to put my trust.  I'll leave with Psalm 3: 5-6 which says "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight''.